its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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