Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
