He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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