pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
