My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
