Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
