Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
