I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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