I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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