It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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