do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
