at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i came on her dog
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
