just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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