she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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