sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
