I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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