the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
