I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my shit smells like andre
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
