never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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