I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
