fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
