I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
