My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
