Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
