Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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