i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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