Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
