Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
