yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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