Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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