I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
