i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
