took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
