Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
