He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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