Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
