i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
