She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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