Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
