He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
