im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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