It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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