i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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