i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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