i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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