I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize