You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
