I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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