just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
