I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
