I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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