how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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