Heybabeimwearingurpanties
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
