dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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