i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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