Tell her she can't have a vagina
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
