hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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