I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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