I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
