Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
