But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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