All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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