Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
