Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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