U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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