Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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