Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
