Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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