help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
