hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
