wakey wakey hands off snakey
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
