He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
