i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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