Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
