o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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