No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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