Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
