drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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