my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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