come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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