It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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