Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
