Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
