I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
