You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
