Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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