she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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