dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
