This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
