took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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