He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
