Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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