absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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