I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
