"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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