I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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